


Self-Destruction and Cuddle Piles

by paranormalnerd



Series: Self-Destruction And Cuddle Piles [1]
Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddle Pile, Everyone has a potty mouth, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Mother Hen Edd, Self-Destruction, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Tord feels shitty, could be read as Tord/Edd/Matt/Tom, cursing, lots of fun shit
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-07
Updated: 2016-10-07
Packaged: 2018-08-20 02:16:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8232533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranormalnerd/pseuds/paranormalnerd
Summary: Four times someone caught Tord being self-destructive and one time where they all teamed up to help him.





	

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this because i felt shitty at about 4 am this morning. 
> 
> Trigger Warning: Cursing, Self-Harm, and Self-Deprecation in general

\----1

 

The minute Tord walked into the apartment Edd knew something was off.

 

The Norwegian smiled in an embarrassed fashion, and awkwardly shuffled around the green living room, apologizing profusely about being late. Matt and Tom were already settled down on the couch next to Edd, a large bowl of popcorn placed on Matt’s lap, and merely brushed off the man's excuses. Matt smiled gleefully, and waved Tord over, excitedly pointing at the television screen.

 

“Todd!! We're watching Insane Zombie Pirates From Hell 6! Come sit! It’s a really good movie, even though we've only watched a few minutes of it. I looked up some previews with Edd online and-”

 

“Matt,  _ please _ shut the hell up. I can't hear the movie.” Tom interrupted, rolling his eyes(?) in the process.

 

Coughing to hide his laugh, Tord sat on the floor in front of where Matt resided on the couch.  Edd would be lying if he said he wasn't suspicious of Tord’s actions. The way he almost  _ limped _ across the living space, why his hands were completely hidden under the sleeves of his red hoodie, why Tord’s eyes kept dashing away from the screen, right knee nervously bouncing.

 

It confused Edd to say the least.

 

About halfway through the movie, Matt spoke up again.

 

“Awwww, I'm out of popcorn…” The ginger pouted at the empty bowl.

 

“Tord go make more popcorn.”

 

Tord smiled tensely, and stood up, grabbing the bowl from Matt and slowly shuffling into the kitchen. Edd was surprised at the Norwegians actions, he fully expected an insult or two thrown between Tord and Tom.

 

Something was definitely up.

 

Nudging his friends, Edd pointed his head towards the kitchen. “I'm gonna go help Tord with the popcorn.”

 

Without looking up from the movie he received a ''kay’' from Tom and an “Okie-dokie!!” from Matt.

 

Laughing, Edd followed his red-hooded friend into the kitchen. Tord was sitting atop the counter next to the microwave, anxiously watching the timer on the microwave count down to signify when the snack would be done. He was still bobbing his right leg up and down.

 

“Hey Tord?”

 

The other boy jumped, visibly tensing up at the sound of someone else in the vicinity. Shoulders relaxing ever-so-slightly at the sight of Edd.

 

“Oh, uh, hello Edd. The popcorns almost done.”

 

“Are you okay?”

 

The Norwegian laughed at the question. “Fine. Why?”

 

His leg was still bouncing.

 

“You seem kind of-” Edd faltered, how do you tell your friend you're concerned for their mental health and stability without freaking them out? “-tense?” He finished.

 

“Oh! Ah, well I'm just a little, um,  _ stressed  _ today I think. Paul and Patryk driving me up the wall, y’know?”

 

“Mmm, uh, yeah.”

 

Pausing, Edd shuffled to the counter Tord was sitting on and jumped up next to him. The two sat in silence for a minute, before Edd spoke up again.

 

“Do you smell something burning?”

 

“ _ Fuck!”   _ Tord jumped off the counter quickly, before instantly recoiling as his feet hit the floor.

 

“Dritt, dritt, dritt, dritt!”

 

Tord clenched his jaw and sat on the ground, breathing heavily. Edd went into action, hopping off the counter and moving towards the microwave, removing the bag of charred popcorn from the premise. Aka, dumping it in the trash.

 

Sitting next to his friend on the floor, the green-hooded boy looked up at his friend.

 

Tord was staring at the ground, seemingly off into space. “I put it on the wrong setting.”

 

“It's okay.”

 

“I fucked up.”

 

“People make mistakes.”

 

“I make too many.”

 

Silence followed, and the two continued to sit on the floor.

 

“What happened to your leg?” Edd questioned.

 

“It's just a bruise.” Tord answered too quickly.

 

“If it's just a bruise let me see it.”

 

“I… okay.”

 

Tord stuck his leg out at Edd, bending over to pull up his jeans.

 

The shape looked relatively normal, except for the fact that it was an ugly mix of purple and red.

 

Edd was  _ definitely _ no doctor, but Tord's leg was effed up. Was it broken? Again?

 

“I was moving some stuff in my workshop and a few boxes of equipment fell on me…”

 

“You need to be more careful.”

 

“Eh.”

 

“ _ Tord.”  _

 

“Ugh.”

 

“I'm gonna get some medical supplies.”

 

“You mean  _ stickers _ ?” Tord laughed.

 

“Screw you stickers make everything better.” Edd quipped back.

 

\------2

 

It was Matt's idea to go to the park.

 

It was Edd's idea to check out the dock.

 

Tord had somehow climbed up on the safety railing of the dock and was balancing on it, walking alongside the others.

 

Edd was having a nervous breakdown about how “tORD PLEASE THAT ISN'T SAFE CAN YOU GET DOWN I DON'T WANT TO HALFTA GO IN THE LAKE AND SWIM YOU OUT IF YOU FALL” like the big mother hen he was. Tom was smiling at Tord's stupidity, and Matt was skipping rocks.

 

Looking over at the other three, Matt threw  another stone and smiled. His friends were weird.  Tord was now picking up speed and running on the metal rail of the dock, much to Edd’s discomfort.  Tom was patting Edd's back, and laughing, walking the stressed green bean away from the dock so he could calm down. Matt contemplated going over with them, but deciding that  _ someone  _ should stay with Tord, for his own safety.

 

In fact, Tord was doing something unsafe right now. The Norwegian had taken off his shoes, and was walking atop the rail with socked feet.

 

Socks made everything slippery, wasn't Tord afraid to fall? Matt knew he would be.

 

Matt picked himself up and skipped over to his remaining friend, who was currently balancing on one socked foot.

 

“Hiya Tord!”

 

Tord bobbed up a little and switched feet.

 

“Hey Matt.”

 

Tord shoved his hands in his hoodie pockets, looking up from the ground and into the gingers face.

 

“Do you think this'll be harder if I close my eyes?”

 

“Yeah! You might fall and hurt yourself!”

 

“Great.” Tord covered his eyes with a hand, and took a few steps along the rail.

 

“Aren't you afraid of falling??” Matt asked, confused by his friends eagerness to put himself in the most danger.

 

Tord smiled gleefully. “ _ Absolutely _ .”

 

“Was that sarcasm??”

 

“Of course not.”

 

“Oh! Well than you best avoid the rail over there-” Matt pointed to the leftmost side of the dock. “There's lots of water on it, making it super slippery and easy to fall off!”

 

Tord chuckled and hopped off the rail. “Yup, best avoid it.”

 

“Yeah, just make sure to avoid- hey!! What are you doing??”

 

In the span of a few seconds, Tord had gone from right beside Matt to balancing on the wet rail Matt _specifically_ told him to avoid. Matt walked a little faster than normal, towards his shorter friend.

 

“Tord, I think you misheard me! I said to  _ avoid  _ this railing!”

 

“I heard you just fine, friend.”

 

Matt opened his mouth to say more, but coming up with nothing. Instead, he went to grab Tord's open hand, pulling him down from the rail.

 

Matt led Tord over to the edge of the dock, where he had skipped stones earlier, and sat himself and the Norwegian down at the edge. Still holding Tord's hand, he passed the other man a stone. Instead of skipping it, Tord dropped it on his reflection in the water.

 

Matt copied him.

 

Tord looked up at his ginger friend and scowled. “Don't do that.”

 

“But you did it.” Matt countered.

 

“It’s different when  _ I  _ do it.”

 

“No it’s not!”

 

“Yeah, because I  _ deserve  _ it. You're a good guy, you don't deserve to feel that shitty.” Tord explained, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

“Neither do you!”

 

Tord smiled. “Yeah, okay Matt.”

 

“That better not be sarcasm!”

 

“It’s not.”

 

\---3

 

The first time it happened, Tom was about to leave for the mall with Matt, Edd and Tord. Well, Matt and Edd since Tord was fucking nowhere to be found. I mean, he was an entire god-damn hour late! How did the ass manage that when he lives right across the hall?! They were supposed to meet at Edd's apartment and head out together, but Tord was holding them up.

 

It was another ten minutes before the commie showed up, and when he did he looked worse for wear. Messy hair, dirty face, dirty hoodie, and very prominent bags under his eyes. Unfortunately the real problem was the dark red stains on his pants.

 

Tord said it was paint.

 

Tom said he was lying.

 

Now we cut to modern Tom. Who was currently storming up to Tord's apartment. He was supposed to be ready to go forty minutes ago. Tom had texted him, explicitly stating that if he was an hour late again Tom would personally, kick his ass into next year.

 

Reaching the door, Tom angrily banged a few times.

 

“Open up commie!! It's fucking time to go.”

 

His yell was followed by a crash and a quick yelp.

 

“T-tom?”

 

“Wow you know my name, good for you, now open the door.”

 

“No, no, I'm good thank you.” Tord responded through the door.

 

“Not an option bastard.” Tom pushed the door a few times, before deciding to just kick it down.

 

The door flew open, revealing the inside of Tord's apartment, with Tord not in sight.

 

“C’mon fuckface, where are you?” Tom muttered to himself more than Tord.

 

The lights in the apartment were all off, apart from the bathroom. Tom figured that was the best place to start, and walked towards it.

 

He wasn't exactly pleased by what was inside.

 

Tord was sitting, legs lying apart on the floor, covered in hundreds of red and bloody scratches and cuts. The Norwegian wasn't wearing his prosthetic arm, revealing the small scarred stump that was left, while his other arm held a mangled razor. He was wearing his signature red hoodie, except it was dirty and loosely hanging off his frame. Tord's face was wet, and mouth tightly closed into a neutral expression.

 

His eyes lit up at the sight of Tom, face cracking into a lopsided grin.

 

“Hey Tom! Howsit going?”

 

Tom scowled at the display, walking away without a word, hearing a faint “ _ Don't tell Edd! _ ”.

 

Three and a half minutes later, Tom walked back into Tord's apartment with a pack of bandages.

 

This time, the bathroom was clean and absolutely devoid that Tord had been in there at all.

 

The man in question was now wearing pants, hoodie pulled over his knees, curled into a fetal position on the red couch in the living room.

 

Tom sat next to Tord on the couch.

 

“I'd tell you to stop if I didn't know from experience that someone saying that won't magically stabilize your mental health.”

 

Tord's head turned to see his enemy-turned-asshole of a friend.

 

“You're not gonna lecture me about “self-care” and shit?”

 

“Nah. You won't listen anyways. But you  _ should _ take at least, a little care of yourself. Start by properly bandaging those cuts.”

 

Tom shoved the box of bandages he had grabbed at Tord.

 

Sitting up, Tord smiled and raised an eyebrow at Tom.

 

“Princess Band-Aids?”

 

“Cause you're a royal pain in my ass. Now hurry up, Edd and Matt are waiting for us.”

 

\---4

 

Paul and Patryk had an apartment right across the hall from Red Le- uh,  _ Tord _ . After he mentioned moving into the same complex as his friends, they simply  _ insisted  _ upon staying with him. Unfortunately for him, it meant the two had full access to his personal space and would sometimes barge in just to mother him or show him a funny cat video.

 

Which was fine by them.

 

Today they actually planned to visit Tord since it had been almost a week from when they had last seen him. Patryk had made cornbread muffins, and Paul was leading his companion into their former bosses apartment.

 

Inside, Tord was pacing and clicking a pen over and over again.

 

It was never a good thing when Red Leader paced. It meant he was working on something. Something that required countless days of little to no sleep.

 

They had never really approved of Tord’s sleeping habits.

Tord was muttering to himself, arms crossed and brows furrowed. Paul cleared his throat, and Tord jumped about two feet in the air.

 

“Oh! Patryk, Paul, I forgot you were coming today, let me clean up a bit.” Tord gestured to the random papers on the floor, and bent down to pick them up.

 

Patryk cleared off a space on the kitchen counter and set down his muffins, than went over and helped Tord with the papers. Paul awkwardly stood in the middle of the room, not exactly sure what to do with himself.

 

Soon, the apartment was mostly clean and Tord had sat them down on the couch. The trio talked for a bit before the subject of Tord’s health was brought up, as it almost always was with Patryk and Paul around.

 

“Have you been taking care of yourself sir?” Paul had asked after Tord finished a story about how Matt had somehow gotten stuck in a laundry hamper twice in one day.

 

“Well I’m alive aren’t I?” He had responded.

 

Patryk frowned. “Tord, you look like you got hit by a bus.”

 

It was true, the younger man’s hair was frizzled and messy, his face was thin, and eyes sullen, barely visible because of how dark and large the rims around them were.

 

Tord laughed at the comment. “You’re the sixth person to say that this week. Besides, sleep is for the weak.”

 

“No, it’s for the mentally stable and strong.”

 

“Well I’m neither so….”

 

“Maybe we should just move in this apartment and live with you.”

 

Paul nearly choked.

 

Tord stared wide-eyed at the two men.

 

“You wouldn’t.”

 

“Please Patryk, I don’t think I could take the constant stream of pen-clicking.” Paul whined.

 

“Oh?” Tord smiled deviously. He grabbed a stray pen from the coffee table, repeatedly clicking it. “Does this bother you Paul??”

Paul groaned and rolled his eyes. Taking a cigarette out of his pocket to chew on.

 

In the end, Tord was fed at least twelve cornbread muffins because according to Patryk, he was “Too fucking thin for his own good,” and ended up dozing off on Paul’s shoulder.

 

He woke up the next morning in his own bed, and had gotten the most sleep he’d had in weeks.

 

\----1

 

Tord was exhausted.

 

Emotionally, physically, and mentally exhausted.

 

He really needed to sleep, or eat, or distract himself or  _ something _ . Anything to prevent his mind from wandering and eventually bring up things he  _ didn’t want to think about. _

 

Tord was walking up the stairs to his apartment, after a shop for necessities like more tools for his tinkering habits and food.

 

He hadn’t even been out that long before people started to stare and his self-deprecating thoughts came back in three-fold.

 

They were staring at his scars. At his arm. At  _ him _ .

 

_ They don’t like you. _

 

No.

 

_ Ugly little face. _

 

Stop.

 

_ You just  _ **_had_ ** _ to get your robot. _

 

_ You killed them. _

 

_ You hurt them. _

 

_ They don’t want to be around you. _

 

_ You deserve to be alone. _

 

_ This is what you get. _

Tord hated this. He hated himself. He hated how he couldn’t even do the simplest tasks without having some sort of episode.

 

Why was his brain like this?

 

_ Why are you like this? _

 

Tord shoved his hands in his hoodie and walked faster up the buildings stairs. Reaching the top, Tord turned down the hallway, pulling out his keys as he reached the door to his apartment. Unlocking the door and letting himself in, not bothering to turn on the lights. The clock revealed it was around 8:00 at night. Maybe he should stop putting off shopping until last minute. It was, what, six when he left? 

 

Tord’s stomach growled. Did he remember to eat dinner? When was the last time he ate?

 

_ Suck it up. _

 

Tord opted for ignoring his brain and turning on a light so he could properly see enough to make cereal. Flicking on the light, Tord turned back towards the kitchen. Making his cereal, Tord sat down on the couch.

 

There was a white card on the coffee table.

 

The Norwegian set his cereal bowl down, grabbing the paper gingerly, not sure what to expect. Opening it, Tord’s eyebrow raised. In what looked like green crayon, probably Edd’s doing, was a smiley face and the words “We care about you!” It was really touching and a nice thought, but honestly Tord couldn’t really appreciate it when he didn’t fully believe it. Eh, it’s the thought that counts. He should probably thank Edd sometime.

 

After Tord had found the card, he started to notice little things that the others did during the same week. Matt left a plate of cookies outside his door. Tom dropped off a 500 count pack of bandages. Paul dropped off a stress ball. Patryk left a few copies of movies from the Insane Zombie Pirates From Hell series.

 

When Friday approached, Tord had decided to find out why everyone suddenly chose to be really nice. It wasn’t like he deserved their affection or anything. He was probably the last person they should be caring about.

 

_ They pity you. You’re a sad waste of space. _

 

Tord slouched a bit more as he knocked on Edd’s apartment door. If he was going to find out why they kept doing these things, he was going straight to the source.

 

“Edd? Are you home? We need to talk.”

 

No response.

 

_ He’s ignoring you. _

 

“Um, Edd?” Tord knocked again, before trying the doorknob.

 

It twisted open. The door was unlocked.

 

Tord hesitantly took a step into the apartment. There were people talking in the kitchen, he could hear Paul and Patryk, Tom, Matt, and Edd. Why were they all in here?

 

_ They’re avoiding you. _

 

“Yeah but Matt already did cookies!” That was Edd.

 

“So? Let’s make more!” That was Matt.

 

“We should get him a therapist.” Paul.

 

Who was getting a therapist?

 

Tord walked around the corner to the kitchen, carefully avoiding being spotted, while somehow managing to still be awkward as fuck.

 

“Forget a therapist. We need to get him to sleep. I keep seeing him space out while he’s talking to people.” Tom.

 

“Yeah but how?” Matt again.

 

Tord coughed. “I mean, if you’re trying to knock someone out I recommend chloroform, but it depends on how long you need them to sleep.”

 

Everyone’s heads collectively turned.

 

_ You idiot. You fucked up. They didn’t want to hang out with you. _

 

“Tord, uh, hi! How’s it- um, what’s up?” Edd stumbled over his words.

 

Tord punched himself internally. “Sorry to interrupt. I wanted to ask Edd something. Uh, forget I was even here. I’ll see you guys later.”

 

Smooth. Tord. Smooth.

 

Tord turned around to leave before he could make things worse. He barely got out the door before a hand grabbed his shoulder. It was Edd.

 

“What did you want  to talk about?”

 

“Nothing.” Tord brushed Edd’s hand off. “It wasn’t important.”

 

Edd’s eyes narrowed. “PAUL! PAT!”

 

The two men clambered out of the apartment, practically running to Edd, who nodded at them. In one swift motion, Tord went from standing next to Edd, to being horrifically thrown onto a green couch. Matt came up from behind, smiling like someone just complimented his face. Tord was not prepared to suddenly have a large ginger laying on top of him.

 

“CUDDLE PILE!!!” Matt screeched, as Edd climbed onto the couch. Tom soon followed, grinning at the opportunity to smush the commie. Patryk and Paul were also on the couch, supporting the entire pile from breaking apart. At the center of it all, was Tord, cackling at the silliness of it all.

 

Sure, a few hugs weren’t going to immediately solve all his problems but-

 

Matt booped his nose. “Feel better.”

 

It was definitely a start.  

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Author's Note:**

> edit: you guys are being so supportive, holy shit


End file.
